


5 Times The Righteous Citizenry Tried To Hook Emma And Jefferson Up And 1 Time They Managed It Themselves

by TinyBat



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-15 12:54:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyBat/pseuds/TinyBat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The townsfolk try to pair their lovely and single sheriff off with the charming and also single hatter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ruby

**Author's Note:**

> Because I wanted to try my hand at a 5x

"I think I make a very valid point Emma, there's no reason to block your ears. You aren't five!" said a very annoyed Ruby from behind the counter. Emma made a daily trip to Granny's and of late Ruby had taken to making really personal suggestions if she seemed awake enough to be bothered by them. The latest one wasn't new as such because it had been mentioned by a few other people but it was entirely Ruby in tone. Emma pulled her fingers out of her ears just in time to hear "You guys would have really spectacular sex. Your face is turning bright red so don't you dare try denying it!"

She wore an entirely too delighted smile so Emma gave in and laid her hands on the counter with a sigh. "Ruby, i'm 28. I have a 10 year old son. I can't have a relationship solely based on sex anymore even if hypothetically it would be earth shattering. I just can't, what kind of example would I be setting?" Emma drummed her fingers on the hardtop and carefully avoided looking at the girl. Ruby readjusted to her heightened senses spectacularly much to the embarassment of quite a few people in town. She could probably hear the spike in Emma's heart rate and smell the sudden change in pheromones brought on by the mention of the very likeable Jefferson.

Emma and Jefferson had gotten past their issues after several very loud arguments and an exceptionally well thrown punch on Emma's part. They both made a point of pretending the very viable threat of lasting but non lethal decapitation coming from Prince Charming never happened. Snow White had a few very choice words to say as well and said words were infinitely more frightening than anything her husband came up with. Grace and Henry got along very well and that alone would have made them civil but being the adults they were they opted to let their first encounter go.

He was restful and amusing company when he wasn't challenging and infuriating her in every possible way. There was no single person in the whole of Storybrooke as adept at irritating Emma Swan as Jefferson Carroll. All the buttons that shouldn't be pushed were on clear display to him and he got far too much enjoyment out of it. That said, Emma was just as good at getting in his face and under his skin. It seemed to onlookers like a constant contest to see who could ruin the others day more effectively. Their children behaved more like adults than either of their parents when they were within 15 feet of each other.

Ruby and Belle, the new librarian were secretly running a pool open to the public on when the two would finally give up on pulling each other to pieces and just have furious sex in a closet somewhere. The two women were fond of Jefferson because instability and prolonged time in one space were perfectly familiar to him. They each babysat Grace for him with no need for anything in return because watching him raise the sheriffs hackles was just that much fun.

Idea firmly planted in Emma's head she paid for her food and drove back to the sheriffs department. She needed time to think without the presence of Ruby the match making werewolf to keep her head filled with small spaces and strong hands.


	2. Belle and Rumplestiltskin

"Storybrooke Public Library, this is Belle French speaking. How may I help you?" came a cheery voice from the other end of the line. "Belle, it's me. I have a blacked out werewolf on my couch. It isn't my fault! She just sort of showed up, threw up a half digested fox and more blood than I care to think about and Grace helped me get her to a couch. She just needs sleep and I need a break. Can I come complain?" groaned a very tired Jefferson. It was far too early in the day for any of this nonsense and Belle made the most wonderful tea. Belle was smiling, he could practically hear it. She encouraged him being more social. Ruby was the irritating but useful younger sister he never had and Belle was the steadfast and dependable best friend.

"Good morning to you too Jefferson. I'll have tea on in 15 so make sure Ruby is comfortable and come on over." The phone clicked off and he shuffled to the bathroom to make himself atleast half way presentable. He was fairly certain there was fox on his waistcoat. A shower and a burning of his previous outfit later he was off to see one of the most patient people in town. Belle was waiting by the door with a thermos and a sympathetic expression. She knew from rough nights well enough. She was one of the boldest and most intelligent people he knew and people thought her odd for her boldness. Her choice of lovers had everything to do with that. Rumplestiltskin was loved by few and feared by all even with Belle holding his leash. Belles taste in men hardly bothered Jefferson but he didn't like Rumplestiltskin much all the same, his brand of mischief would involve knives.

"You are a god among mortals Belle, thank you! You're making a face. That's your question face. Tea or no i'm now frightened." Jefferson was now making a show of playfully backing away from the young woman and into the building. She may look friendly but she was sharp and far too invested in his well being. "You should be. I want to know why Emma wasn't your first call about our wayward and carnivorous friend. Not that I mind but really, is talking to her that painful?"

They were now in a room just off the entrance, soundproofed and comfortable. Belle clearly planned on interrogating him regardless of whatever ranting he needed to get out of his system.

"Yes dearie, is our lovely princesss that much of a bother for your troubled heart?" came a voice from an oversized armchair in the back corner. Jeffersons thermos did its job and the tea stayed where it was. Rumplestiltskin was far too fond of dramatics and he was famously invasive in the lives of the royal family. The way Jefferson had it described by Emma he was like a deeply disturbed godparent. He put almost as much effort into Snow White and Prince Charming's relationship as they did, all for Emma to be the end product. The smile on his face would have been friendly if it wasn't chilling and only slightly irritating.

What business of his was Jeffersons lack of a love life? "No, I just wasn't in the mood to be accused and shouted at at 3 in the morning. I'd also sooner give myself to the mercy of Regina than wake up Sheriff Swan. Nothing painful about it. You're just a bit more reasonable and less invested in causing me bodily harm." griped the hatter, pacing around the room in search of a chair far away from Rumplestiltskin and his all too knowing expression.

"You two would be good for each other, I know you're sick of hearing it but you would. If you stopped fighting for five minutes at a time and tried for decency you might actually find that you have things in common other than children." Belle was re-arranging a stack of books on an end table and making a point of not looking at him. She knew she was right and was too polite to visibly lord it over him.

"As much as I appreciate the analysis of my relationship with Emma, again, there is an unconcious werewolf on my couch and...Would you stop grinning like that?!" Rumplestiltskin, cheeky bastard that he was still wore that same probing expression and seemed more interested in the conversation than any of the other parties. He quite liked Emma, even if she was hellishly stubborn and prone to impulsive decision making. Very much her father in that respect. The prospect of the Savior in a happy relationship was far too delicious for him to ignore. He would have to invest a good deal of thought into getting the mercurial and cagey hatter and the lovely miss Swan intimately acquainted.

"I have business dearies, i'll be off. Belle, can I trust you to talk some sense into this young man for me?" Belle laughed and nodded, kissing her love on the cheek as he made his exit. If there was one person in Storybrooke who could help she and Ruby with their contiued Emma and Jefferson problem it would be Rumplestiltskin and she owned him soul and all. Jefferson was now completely frustrated and had made himself comfortable in a large chair; done listening and obviously fed up with talking now he had fallen asleep. Belle immediately whipped out her phone, took a very charming picture of the sleeping man and texted it to Emma. She'd be by soon enough and their respective reactions would provide all the entertainment she would need for the day. As soon as Ruby was up and about again, she'd know everything.


	3. Archie

"I really don't feel comfortable discussing my love life with you, I'm sorry but I just don't." protested a grouchy and exhausted Sheriff from across the table. Archie had been asked by Snow and Charming to check in with Emma on an infrequent basis. On occasion she was happy to talk, but that only about things like work, Henry, and the occasional rant. They met at Granny's usually on Wednesdays when Emma could step out of the office for a little while. It wasn't a binding thing, Archie just provided a good sounding board. He'd managed to keep most of his clientele post curse and still functioned as a therapist.

"I don't want to press you Emma, but you're lonely. Yes, you have Henry and your parents but that sometimes isn't quite enough for people. It's totally normal given your track record that you'd be hesitant to start a relationship but i'm saying that maybe you could stand to open your heart to someone not bound to you by blood." insisted Archie, adjusting his glasses. 

"It's not that people aren't interested in me, i'm just not interested in them. I don't have the benefit of having a purely physical relationship anymore and i'm not sure if I can handle a romantic one. There's still a single parent learning curve to go along with the princess one. I'm not sure how well I could work with a girlfriend one." Emma was fiddling with her napkin now, slowly shredding it to pieces. "I've tried it here, it ended badly. Besides, even if I am interested in someone i'm not sure how well it would go over with my parents. Wow, it doesn't get less weird calling them that. He didn't exactly make a great first impression on either of them but he really is a better man than they're giving him credit for."

Emma's phone buzzed. A text from Jefferson was displayed across the screen.

E- Grace wants Henry to come over for a little while after school. You good with that? -J. 

Emma took a moment to think about her reply and texted him back.

J- Yes, i'll let my mom know that Henry can go home with you. I'll be by at 5. -E

"Who was that?" inquired Archie with a curious expression. He knew exactly who Emma had been talking about, the whole town did. He'd allow her the delusion that nobody but Ruby was aware, Ruby seemed to know everything lately. He'd have to have her over to compare notes. Emma Swan and Jefferson Carroll were the primary guilty pleasure of almost everyone in Storybrooke. Archie was certain there were at least 3 separate pools running on how long it would take for them to get together. He knew that one was run by her mother. Snow had made a private peace with the Hatter involving threats of highly creative violence done to his person shortly after they had retured home from Storybrooke, but she neglected to tell Emma. 

"It was Jefferson, Grace wants Henry to go over for a while after school today. He wanted to get a yes from me. Remind me to call the school before this ends so I can tell them Henry is okay to go with Grace. " Emma shoved her phone back in her pocket and drummed her fingers along the tabletop. "I'm glad he has friends, he and Grace seem to run on the same wavelength. Hellishly stubborn and far too clever for kids their age. Somehow, I don't think Grace got those qualities from her father." She grinned. Ragging on Jefferson was a small joy she allowed herself on occasion, because she could vent her feelings in a way that didn't raise suspicion.

"And why's that?" Archie was smiling now, he knew what Emma was doing and it wasn't going to work.

"Because he's an arrogant bastard with absolutely no common sense to speak of. Spending all that time alone really didn't do much for his self preservation skills. Every time he opens his mouth around me he runs the risk of being beaten with something." That was true, Emma and Jefferson had a game going oh how to frustrate each other until one of them exploded. As they were both adults, it was usually passive aggressive sniping, the odd chuckle, maybe nudging the others chair at a council meeting, and all around acting like two teenagers who can't say "yes".

They weren't even fooling themselves anymore so it really was just a matter of time. Emma was like her father in that her immediate desire when something bothered her was to hit it. She'd already tried that and it didn't take. So a poor excuse for diplomacy on occasion was what they ended up with. 

Her cheeks were flushed pink now and she was smiling, it didn't seem like she noticed. If Archie brought it up she'd probably call him crazy and leave. She was well aware of how she felt but she'd be damned if she was going to discuss it with anyone but Ruby. 

"I think it's about time we wrapped this up Emma. Thanks for coming. Make sure you call the school or you'll miss your date..." He couldn't resist, he just couldn't. The brief moment of embarrassment followed by vehement denial was his favorite. Jefferson did the same thing. 

"It's not a date! It's a playdate, for our children. Not a date for us..." Emma trailed off, realizing that it was too big a lie to finish. She would like a date with the Hatter, a date and then many other less innocent things. But she only figured out he was screwing with her after he had disappeared out the door. She slumped down into the booth and groaned. That was a dirty, rotten, low down and mean trick Archie had just played. Now she'd have to take a cold shower before heading back to the station. The sensation of warm hands on her skin and lips pressed gently into her hair wasn't something she could shake off easily and maybe she didn't want to.


End file.
